The Ballroom
from the American Dancing Master, Elias Howe, 1862
When a gentleman goes alone to a public ball, he must make application to the committee of arrangements, or one of the floor managers, who will
introduce him to any lady that he wishes to dance with; and a gentleman so introduced will never be refused by the lady, if she be not already
engaged, or form one of a party which she cannot leave; for a refusal would be a breach of the law of good manners, as the committee of
arrangements are entitled and expected to be very scrupulous upon this point, and careful not to introduce to a lady any gentleman who is not au
fait in dancing, or who is in other respects exceptionable. But no gentleman who is unqualified should seek an introduction under such
circumstances. At a private ball the necessary introduction is made by the host or hostess, or by a member of the family.
As ladies are not entitled to the privilege of asking gentlemen to dance, it is the duty of gentlemen to see that ladies shall not sit long waiting for
partners, as it is one of the greatest breaches of good manners that a gentleman can be guilty of in a ball-room, to stand idling whilst ladies are
waiting to be asked. He has the appearance of one who is either peevish at a refusal, or too proud and contemptuous to dance with any but his
own favorites.
Whatever preference may be felt, none should be shown in a public assembly of pleasure, which should be one large family, and universal urbanity
should prevail throughout. Perfect politeness conceals preferences, and makes itself generally agreeable. Favoritism is suitable only for private life.
Lovers are apt to forget this in the ball-room, and make themselves disagreeable, and sometimes particularly offensive, by their exclusive devotion
to one another. The ball-room is not the proper place for making love, but for general and agreeable association. Ladies especially ought to
remember this; as no lady, however, beautiful, accomplished, dignified, or opulent, can afford to lose the good opinion of the society in which she
moves. Moreover, beauty, without good manners, speedily creates feelings very different from those of love.
A gentleman should not dance frequently with one lady, nor engage a lady too many dances in advance, as it obliges her to dance more than may
be agreeable to her, or perhaps to forego the pleasure of dancing with a particular friend who may afterwards invite her. A lady once refused to
engage with a gentleman upon the plea that she was already engaged. The gentleman requested permission to look at her programme, and
finding it not filled up put his name down for a late dance. The lady replied, "You may put your name down, but I shall be at home when the dance
is called."
If a gentleman should ask a lady to dance, and receive a polite refusal, let him not exhibit any symptoms of dissatisfaction if he see her dancing
with another; but he is certainly justified in never afterwards repeating the request.
Never form an engagement during a dance, or while the lady is engaged with another; never whisper to a lady, nor lounge about on chairs or sofas
while the dance is proceeding.
Avoid all unfriendly or ungenerous criticism, ridicule, or satire, as such can never commend you to those whom you address, and may be repeated
to your own prejudice. Besides they are out of harmony with the spirit of the ball, which is, or ought to be, an association of kind and generous
hearts, for soothing rather than for irritating the feelings.
Married couples ought not to dance with each other. There is, perhaps, no positive impropriety in it, and deviations from the rule may sometimes
be either expedient or unavoidable; but it is more generous, and therefore more polite, for spouses to distribute their favors amongst the rest of the
company.
Balls of pleasure should never be inconveniently crowded, as this destroys both the beauty and the pleasure of the dancing. Charity balls,
however, may be excepted, as at such balls the crowding is desirable for the successful accomplishment of the object in view.
When the dance is over, the gentleman should ask the lady to take some refreshment. Should she not accept of it, then he re-conducts her to
her seat, and, unless he chooses to sit down beside her, bows and withdraws.
If a gentleman be introduced to a lady at a ball, he is not thereby entitled to claim her acquaintanceship afterwards. He must not therefore bow to
her if he meet her in the street, unless she do so first. Abroad, the gentleman is entitled to bow to the lady after wards; but this is contrary to
etiquette in England and this country.
No gentleman should offer his services to conduct a lady home, without being acquainted with her, or requested so to do by the host or hostess.
To a public ball go about eight o'clock. To a private ball the time of going depends on the invitation. The hour should be adhered to as nearly as
possible, as those who are punctual feel uncomfortable until the other guests arrive. Besides, it looks as if you wished to appear of great
importance, when you make your entree at a late hour.